no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
