You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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