are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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