I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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