I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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