I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
