i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
