Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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