I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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