i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
