Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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