If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
