new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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