haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize