nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
