How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
