Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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