i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My pussy is not your playground.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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