grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
