Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize