So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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