i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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