I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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