I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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