My room smells like vodka and shame
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
