I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
