There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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