Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
