he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
