Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
