You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize