How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
