If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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