There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
