Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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