some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
