He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
