Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize