Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
