Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
