I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
