He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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