So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
