1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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