I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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