My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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