Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
