woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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