Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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