Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
