There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
