I can tuck mytits in my pants
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize