You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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