I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
