I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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