just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I look better un-naked...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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