I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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