Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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