I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
