I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
