I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
