why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
