You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
A+ Viking dick
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
